Su Lian's fingers gripped the glass as he looked up at the moon again. Just as Chi Wang had said, it was now completely obscured by clouds, vanishing from sight.
He recalled telling his father to "be careful on the road" before leaving earlier that day. A sharp pain suddenly struck his heart, as if all his internal organs were being wrenched, leaving him doubled over in agony.
That year, he had said the same thing to Su Huasheng: "It's raining today, please be careful on the road."
On Su Lian's twentieth birthday, Su Huasheng had saved up for a plane ticket to the Capital City, wanting to surprise him.
Su Lian only learned of this when his father called from the airport.
The father and son hadn't seen each other in a long time. At that moment, Su Lian had been practicing surgical sutures. His hand trembled, pricking his finger, and he remained distracted all afternoon.
Su Huasheng, usually frugal, had splurged on a taxi in his eagerness to see his son. That day, torrential rain poured down, making the roads dark and slippery. A multi-car pileup occurred, with his taxi caught in the middle.
When Su Lian arrived at the hospital, the pale sheets were soaked with unstoppable blood, and his father was barely clinging to life.
Grasping the blood-covered hand, Su Lian repeated loudly over and over: "Didn't I tell you to be careful on the road? Why didn't you listen? Why didn't you listen?"
People around looked on as the young man lost all composure and reason.
Su Lian didn't know who to blame - the torrential rain, the wretched driver, Su Huasheng's surprise, or himself for having a birthday that day.
"I'm sorry, the cake got ruined," were Su Huasheng's last words before he slowly closed his eyes.
He left no final message, just an apology for something that wasn't his fault.
The moment the person on the bed stopped breathing, Su Lian felt as if his own life had ended too, becoming a meaningless flat line.
He blamed everything around him wildly, but ultimately placed the guilt on himself, unable to forgive or let go.
If it weren't for this damned birthday, this accident wouldn't have happened.
His father would have lived on healthily, possibly to a very old age, even a hundred years old.
Life is full of "what ifs."
The only thing we can't choose is our birth.
But we can choose to die.
Standing on the hospital rooftop, the bitter wind and rain set a fitting scene. He felt that all his years of sudden awakening and hard work were like a joke.
He had wanted to become a doctor to give his father a better life, but now that the hope he had been fixated on had disappeared, everything seemed meaningless.
Then, from below the rooftop, Chi Wang looked up and called out to him: "Wait for me to come up, don't jump."
That person was so gentle. When he ran up, his hair was completely wet, gasping for breath, afraid that Su Lian might fall from the high building at any moment.
The next second, Su Lian's wrist was firmly grasped. He was pulled back from the precarious edge and fell into Chi Wang's arms.
Whether from cold or fear, Su Lian's whole body trembled uncontrollably, shaking non-stop.
Chi Wang's hand soothed his back as he asked softly, "Why are you doing something so foolish?"
Su Lian's forehead pressed against the shoulder of this stranger as he wept silently: "There's no one to take care of me anymore. Don't meddle in my affairs."
"How about letting Brother Chi take care of you?" Chi Wang held his head, gently rubbing it. "I'll take care of you. From now on, I'll take care of you."
The pouring rain suddenly stopped, as if all the turmoil had never happened.
In the years that followed, Chi Wang truly became Su Lian's entire world. He occupied every minute and second of Su Lian's free time, giving him all his tenderness and love.
Every Mid-Autumn Festival, they would choose an open space to sit together. Chi Wang would sit beside him, quietly accompanying him as they watched the moon until dawn.
To Su Lian, Chi Wang held immense significance - an admired older brother, his only family, and a flawless boyfriend.
But in the very end, even this person broke his promise and left. He had said he would take care of Su Lian for a lifetime, that he would keep his word.
Since then, Su Lian dared not look at the bright moon, fearing it would remind him of his beloved.
Su Lian lowered his eyelashes, feeling a terrible ache in his eyes. The mist threatened to condense into tears, and the emotions he had bottled up all evening were about to burst out of control.
The weight of the past was too heavy. Having drunk too much, he might truly go mad.
He wasn't sure exactly what would happen.
But when Chi Wang called him, for some inexplicable reason, he still chose to sit here.
Chi Wang pressed his hand, teasing in a low voice: "How do you plan to go crazy? Run wild through the crowd or cry in someone's arms?"
"Both are possible. Are you scared?" Su Lian squeezed his eyes shut hard, forcing back the bitter feeling.
"A cool guy like you going crazy with alcohol? I'm terrified." Chi Wang moved the wine glass away, placing it in front of himself. "Let's not drink anymore. They're playing games over there. Want to join?"
Su Lian exhaled, seeming unusually agreeable tonight: "Alright."
"Is Brother Lian joining too? We're playing rock-paper-scissors. Loser drinks." Gu Anjiu extended a fist towards him, waving it around haphazardly.
The heavy mood was disrupted. Su Lian's lips curved slightly: "You've been making a fuss all this time, and you ended up choosing such a childish game?"
Lin Yan rested his chin on his hand, explaining: "The simplest games often lead to the most brutal battles. Nothing wrong with that."
His fingers still gripping the glass, the mist had cleared, leaving only water in his hand. Su Lian chuckled wordlessly.
Chi Wang nudged his shoulder, pulling him out of his melancholy and into the noisy night market: "Come on, Professor Su, let's battle till dawn."
Su Lian turned his head, catching a glimpse of Chi Wang's long eyelashes from the corner of his eye. He casually threw out scissors.
The opposite side happened to be rock. He lost and had to drink as punishment.
As he reached for the alcohol, Su Lian felt a warm palm envelop the back of his hand. Chi Wang snatched the glass away, whispering in his ear: "I'll drink for you."
As he spoke, his breath, tinged with alcohol, brushed past. Su Lian hesitated for a second, and by the time he reacted, the glass was empty.
His hand was still wrapped in Chi Wang's warm palm. Using Su Lian's hand, Chi Wang raised the glass and drained it completely.
"Brother Wang, what's going on? We haven't seen you take a drink for someone in years." A guy with dyed yellow hair started heckling, eager to stir up trouble.
Someone else quickly chimed in: "Yeah, it's just a glass of beer. Since when do you need to substitute?"
Chi Wang stretched out his long legs, adopting a casual pose as he laughed and cursed: "He can't hold his liquor well. I invited him here. If he really gets drunk, I'll have to take responsibility."
"You'll take responsibility, huh? Sooner or later, you'll have to anyway." Gu Anjiu, emboldened by alcohol, squinted his eyes and spoke with unmistakable innuendo.
Su Lian coughed lightly, raising his eyes to look at the rowdy crowd, and said defiantly: "Let's go again."
Scissors. Rock. Scissors. Paper. Paper.
It was uncanny. No matter how he changed his moves, Su Lian lost every single round. A small row of beer glasses, filled to the brim, now stood before him.
Chi Wang turned sideways to light a cigarette, holding it between his fingers as he took a drag: "Professor Su, your luck is truly terrible. Are you trying to drink me to death?"
"I don't need your help." Su Lian picked up a glass and downed it in one go. The bitter taste cooled his heart as it traveled down his throat.
It seemed that just this one extra glass was enough to make his head start spinning. His vision began to blur, and the people before him became double images.
"Be good, stop drinking." Chi Wang, afraid Su Lian might act rashly again, lowered his head to extinguish his cigarette.
He used his left hand to gather both of Su Lian's hands, pressing them gently against the table. With his right hand, he picked up glass after glass, quickly emptying the entire row.
Su Lian truly obeyed and didn't move, allowing Chi Wang to hold him like this. He felt as if that gentle command was still lingering at the tip of his ear, so familiar.
It seemed like his Brother Chi was calling him. He would listen.
Seeing the person beside him motionless, Chi Wang chuckled: "Suddenly so obedient?"
Su Lian nodded slightly, grasping Chi Wang's burning fingertips. His whole body swayed uncontrollably to the side, as if he had lost all support, teetering on the edge.
Gu Anjiu exclaimed in surprise: "Has Brother Lian really gotten drunk? How many bottles did he sneak on his own?"
Chi Wang reached out to pull Su Lian into his arms, supporting him on his shoulder and patting him soothingly: "I told you he can't hold his liquor. Yet you all kept pushing him to drink."
"But wait, didn't you drink all the alcohol for him?" Gu Anjiu felt wronged, tilting his chubby face in protest.
Lin Yan glanced at the time and suggested: "Shall we call it a night then? Su Lian lives far away. It'll take a while to send him home."
Before the word "night" could be fully uttered, someone interrupted.
"Hey handsome fellas, want to request a song? Ten yuan each." A man with a guitar leaned over, bending down to ask, "Come on, pick one. It's not expensive."
Su Lian looked up from his embrace and reached for the microphone, saying softly, "I want to sing."
Chi Wang: "..."
You're truly mad in a fresh and unique way.
"He's just joking, we're not requesting any songs," Gu Anjiu laughed awkwardly as he ushered the man away to another table. "I'm sorry, my friend's had too much to drink. Don't mind him."
Su Lian raised his head, staring at the curve of Chi Wang's jaw, as if certain this person would agree to his unreasonable request. He slowly repeated, "I want to sing."
Though it was his usual voice, the alcohol had laced it with a touch of special willfulness that softened one's heart.
Gu Anjiu fell silent, then carefully suggested, "Lian-ge, are you sure about this? There are a lot of people here."
Su Lian repeated for the third time, losing patience: "I want to sing."
"Alright, alright, you can sing." Chi Wang, left with no choice, looked up at the busking brother and negotiated, "I'll give you fifty. Can you lend my friend the microphone to sing a couple of songs?"
The man fiddled with the microphone cord, asking with interest, "Sure, what does this handsome guy want to sing?"
As if he had already thought of the answer, Su Lian replied without hesitation: "If It Were You."
After searching for a while, the man looked up from his phone, confused, "Is there such a song? I can't find it."
Su Lian slowly rose from Chi Wang's embrace and took the microphone: "Then I'll sing it a cappella."
It was nearly midnight, the busiest time for the outdoor food stalls. Every seat inside and out was packed. Gu Anjiu looked around and secretly wiped his face.
He wondered if his Lian-ge would want to kill the person who got him drunk when he sobered up tomorrow.
Before the internal struggle in his mind could play out, Su Lian was already holding the microphone, softly beginning to sing.
The young man's voice was clear and gentle. Perhaps due to the alcohol, he dragged out the final notes, as if recounting a long-ago story, but it was unexpectedly pleasant to hear.
"Damn, Lian-ge's got something," Gu Anjiu instinctively pulled out his phone and started recording.
"We've lost, even when drunk this guy doesn't embarrass himself," Yellow Hair sighed. "That voice, it's impressive."
Hearing the song, people around them turned to look, watching the young man in a white shirt with his long legs slightly bent, singing as if no one else was there.
Full of spirit, yet with a hint of youthful melancholy, it felt profound at first taste.
"You look at me, smiling without saying a word."
"When the crowd stirs again, you embrace me."
Su Lian leaned back in his chair, eyes fixed on Chi Wang, unwilling to move away from that face he had seen a thousand times before, feeling a bit dazed.
He thought of many scenes: the fireworks on New Year's Eve, the conversation on the rooftop, the profile watching the moon, the appearance in a suit.
It was his lover, and Su Lian suddenly missed his embrace, which must be very warm.
After listening for a while, Chi Wang waved his hand at the man, gesturing him to come over.
Afraid of disturbing the singer, he spoke very softly: "Can I borrow the guitar? I'll accompany him."
If Su Lian wakes up tomorrow and remembers, he might feel embarrassed, so he'd add himself to the mix.
As long as they were together, doing anything wouldn't be so humiliating.
"Here you go," the man handed it over generously.
Placing the guitar diagonally on his leg, Chi Wang lowered his head slightly, his fingertips casually plucking a few strings, easily finding a suitable chord to accompany.
The clear young voice combined with the harmonious guitar sound made it seem as if the song was always meant to be this way, like the last evening breeze of September, gently sweeping by. Listening closely, it also left one feeling wistful.
"If it were you, would you also wipe away all memories with tears, the ripples of four seasons."
"The most bizarre, most oppressive, most beloved farewell, leaving only me still in place."
"Molded into a pane of glass, isolating."
The next table erupted in cheers, calling for "one more song." Su Lian finished the last half-beat, staring blankly at the person in front of him, his eyes gradually reddening.
He couldn't see anyone else; his eyes were completely filled with Chi Wang.
In a daze, that man in his twenties disappeared, leaving only a seventeen-year-old boy.
Sitting in the noisy, life-filled outdoor food stall, a guitar on his lap, eyes slightly lowered, his brows and eyes devoid of their usual casual arrogance, filled with endless tenderness and affection.
This Chi Wang, he had never seen before.
After a long while, Gu Anjiu finally came to his senses: "Wait, why do these lyrics sound so sad? Did Lian-ge think of an ex?"
Afraid of touching a sore spot, Lin Yan carefully said, "It's easy to get emotional when drunk, it's normal."
"It's over, thank you," Su Lian handed back the microphone, his consciousness hazy, silently lowering his eyes.
Hearing the discussions nearby, Chi Wang felt a slight prick in his heart. It wasn't very painful, but it was uncomfortable.
He couldn't quite pinpoint his current emotion, only feeling that his mood had been stirred by that song, and he felt a bit choked up too.
Su Lian didn't speak either, silently drinking another glass of alcohol. The effects of the alcohol hit him, as if the clarity he had been forcing earlier had completely shattered, leaving only haziness.
He sat still, not moving, lost in thought.
"Want to go home? I'll take you," Chi Wang asked softly, exhaling gently.
Su Lian slowly shook his head, his vision blurring then clearing: "Don't want to go back, want to see the moon."
Due to the drunkenness, his speech was a bit disjointed, his pronunciation becoming unclear, softening his usual cool demeanor and making him seem adorable.
Chi Wang sighed helplessly, carefully pulling him up from the chair, and turned to the others: "I'll take him back to the internet cafe to sleep. Let's call it a night, we'll meet up again another day."
"Alright, remember to send a message when you get home," Gu Anjiu helped settle the bill first, then saw everyone off in taxis one by one.
"Let's go, there's a rooftop above the internet cafe where we can see the moon," Chi Wang supported the swaying person, soothingly rubbing the back of his neck. "We'll take a car there first, okay?"
"Okay." The drunk Su Lian was neither noisy nor troublesome, but he would have some strange behaviors, occasionally coming up with peculiar ideas.
He was tucked into the car, his elbow propped against the window as he glanced at the sky, then turned to look at Chi Wang: "You'll accompany me to watch, right?"
Chi Wang stared at his head bumping against the glass, gently pulled him back into an embrace, and asked in return, "Why do you want to see the moon?"
Su Lian didn't speak, just reached out to grab the other's collar, insistently asking in a fierce tone: "Will you accompany me or not?"
"I will, I'll accompany you until dawn," Chi Wang didn't know where he found so much patience. He slightly adjusted his sitting position to make Su Lian more comfortable.
The scenery outside the window flew by, turning into a blur. The two inside the car remained silent, leaning against each other.
Time seemed to slow down. Chi Wang's arm encircled Su Lian's back, gently stroking up and down.
"Do you feel like throwing up?"
"Not really."
"You drank so much, are you feeling unwell?"
"A little bit."
The scene at the food stall flashed belatedly through his mind, realizing how out of character it had been.
Su Lian's face was buried in Chi Wang's chest, unable to see clearly. His voice was a bit muffled: "I think I embarrassed myself earlier."
Chi Wang chuckled lightly, his chest vibrating slightly: "You didn't. It sounded very good. Teacher Su, want to form a duo with me and debut?"
The words sounded quite absurd.
The fingers gripping the collar slowly loosened. Su Lian looked up, his gaze unfocused, his voice even softer: "You're lying to me."
Chi Wang lowered his head, his lips seeming to brush against soft hair, feeling a bit ticklish: "I'm not lying. It was the best I've ever heard. I just haven't heard that song before. I'll practice it another day, and we can collaborate again."
Satisfied, Su Lian lowered his head again, finding a comfortable position to lean on.
The taxi stopped in front of Night Color. Chi Wang paid the fare and carefully pulled Su Lian out of the car.
The narrow staircase was very dim. Afraid of him falling, Chi Wang held onto Su Lian's shoulders as they climbed up to the fourth floor.
The iron door pushed open to reveal a spacious rooftop.
Su Lian quickly walked over, looking up slightly. The clouds in the sky had dispersed, and the moon had peeked out again. It was as clear as a piece of amber, hanging precariously in the sky.
His expression showed a hint of delight as he turned to look at Chi Wang: "You're very lucky, you didn't miss this year's fullest moon."
That tone and gesture had completely lost the usual aloofness that kept people at a distance.
Instead, he was like a child who had just received a piece of candy, so soft it made one's heart melt.
"Hmm, I see it. It's beautiful," Chi Wang said slowly as he walked over and leaned on the rooftop railing, following the other's gaze towards the horizon.
In truth, he didn't find the moon particularly appealing; it looked the same every day, with no real difference. Su Lian's fixation must have a special reason behind it.
But since Su Lian didn't speak of it, he wouldn't ask.
If it was a painful memory, asking too much would only reopen old wounds.
If it was a past he couldn't let go of, perhaps it was better to let it scatter with the wind.
There was only one thing for him to do: stand beside Su Lian on the rooftop and accompany him through this long night.
As time slowly crept to two in the morning, Chi Wang turned around, his back against the railing, and lazily looked at the other man. "Haven't you gotten tired of looking after all this time?"
"No," Su Lian reluctantly tore his gaze away, then glanced at the person in front of him, feeling a bit dizzy.
"Has the alcohol worn off?" Chi Wang stared into his eyes, seeing two tiny reflections of himself in those amber pupils, as if covered by a thin layer of mist.
"...I think so," Su Lian responded after a noticeable pause.
All drunks say that about themselves, Chi Wang thought, lowering his head with a soft chuckle, not calling him out on it.
A night breeze swept by, tousling both their hair and scattering Su Lian's consciousness along with it.
He swayed slightly, clutching Chi Wang's jacket, his fingers tightening as he pulled the other closer, suddenly closing the distance between them.
Still gripping the jacket, Su Lian complained in a low voice, "Chi-ge, I'm cold."
Chi Wang's heart skipped another beat as he looked down at Su Lian's thin shirt, lifted by the wind to reveal a glimpse of his waist.
Before he could react, Su Lian had already stumbled forward.
Warm lips brushed very lightly against his Adam's apple before settling on his neck, an endless wave of alcohol-laced breath washing over him.
Chi Wang thought that perhaps Su Lian wasn't the only one who was drunk.
He opened his own jacket and instinctively wrapped the other man in his arms, tightening his embrace.
The lingering warmth of the touch still on his bobbing Adam's apple, he coaxed softly, "Chi-ge is holding you now. You won't be cold anymore."