The moment Su Lian handed over the note, he felt a twinge of regret.
This suggestion was childish, petty, and had a hint of mischief to it.
If Chi Wang truly liked that person and followed his advice, it would seem like he was ruining their chances.
But deep down, he had a vague hope that the confession wouldn't yield results.
Su Lian placed his hand over his heart; it was steady, seemingly without much reaction, but an inexplicable feeling of discomfort arose.
He had thought that after Chi Wang's death, he would never feel any emotional fluctuations again.
At the time he received the terminal diagnosis, there were only three short months left until death.
Su Lian was a doctor, and although internal and external medicine were different, he knew very well what a terminal diagnosis meant.
It meant that just as he had finally emerged from the loss of his father, another beloved person was about to leave him, once again leaving him all alone.
From the moment he received the diagnosis, Su Lian prepared himself every day to face Chi Wang's departure.
During those months, he would lie down on the bedside cot every night, close his eyes, then wake up from nightmares, turning to check if there was still breathing.
Every dream was another instance of Chi Wang leaving, and Su Lian was engulfed by this fear for nearly ninety days.
Medical science could no longer save Chi Wang, and Su Lian, at his wit's end, turned to faith at that time.
He would kneel and pray every morning, and even learned divination techniques. If the day's fortune was auspicious, he would breathe a sigh of relief. But if there was even a hint of ill omen, he would be dejected all day.
The hospital, sensing his poor mental state, kindly gave him an extended leave. Doctors from other departments even offered psychological counseling, fearing he might completely break down one day from this repeated emotional torment.
As his colleagues put it, Dr. Su was truly strong, facing such situations twice and still holding on without collapsing.
But there was another comment Su Lian didn't know about: the more rational one appears, the more likely they are to crumble at the last moment when faced with the most unacceptable outcome.
When Chi Wang took his last breath and couldn't be saved, Su Lian felt as if his own heart had been buried in the grave as well.
Apart from his bodily functions, he could no longer perceive any joy, anger, sorrow, or happiness from the outside world. It was as if he had become an empty shell, devoid of a soul.
Being able to act like a normal person already took all his strength, and Su Lian no longer had any expectations for anything.
After traveling back in time, when he first encountered the drastically different Chi Wang by the wall, he was initially very resistant. But for the sake of Chi Wang's health, he had to patiently use various methods to restrain and guide him.
He thought to himself that he couldn't just stand by and watch, after all, this was his future lover.
However, thinking back carefully, during this process, the current Chi Wang had gradually broken down his self-protective mechanisms, like a beam of light shining brightly into his life.
Unlike the previous Chi Wang, he was passionate and pure, arrogant and straightforward, yet still retained the same gentleness in many small details.
Su Lian himself felt conflicted; they didn't seem like the same person, yet they clearly were.
It's just that he had spent too much time with the mature Chi Wang, so much so that he didn't know how to face the current Chi Wang, or rather, he didn't know what emotions or identity to assume when interacting with him.
To say he had never felt his heart flutter would be lying to himself.
But he hadn't even sorted out the complex emotions in his heart, so how could he influence Chi Wang's feelings for someone else?
Su Lian loosened his fingers, his palm now marked with red imprints. He said softly, "I wrote that note carelessly, don't take it seriously. Confessing like that would definitely lead to rejection."
"I know," Chi Wang glanced at him, then looked at the words on the note again, adding, "I understand."
He felt that the words on the note had a sour tone, with a hint of mischief.
Could it be that Su Lian was secretly jealous? Jealous that he had fallen for someone else?
This speculation put Chi Wang in a good mood, and he carefully tucked the note into his pocket.
"That's good, I wish you success with your confession," Su Lian pressed his lips together, not saying anything more as he turned his attention to the movie screen in front.
Chi Wang seemed to want to say something but held back, his mind not really on the movie. "Little Teacher Su, you'll come to my birthday party, right? It's in two weeks."
Su Lian gave a confused "Ah?" before slowly responding, "Aren't you going to confess? Why are you having a party?"
"Just celebrating with friends first, it won't interfere. Remember to keep the time free," Chi Wang nudged him with his elbow, "Don't stand me up."
Su Lian nodded lightly, "Alright, I didn't have any plans anyway."
The evening self-study session passed with the movie playing, and Su Lian's mind was in turmoil. The movie he had initially found boring suddenly reached its end.
After class, back in the dorm, he opened a shopping app on his phone, scrolling back and forth to choose a gift.
His phone vibrated with a group message from his alt account's fan group.
Su Lian clicked in to see that Taro Boba #27 had posted a flood of edited photos from the sports meet, dizzying in their abundance. Most were candid shots of the two of them together, quite skillfully taken, with many angles that looked quite intimate.
There were hugs, head pats, side-by-side poses, piggyback rides, apparent hand-holding, and even what looked like wedding photos – the whole set.
Su Lian: "..."
He realized that CP fans' ability to find romantic subtext was truly terrifying. They had just received an award, not a marriage certificate.
However, it seemed he was the only clear-headed one in the group. The entire chat erupted in a chorus of excited reactions:
[Taro Boba #178]: Ahhhhh I'm going crazy, if this isn't dating then what is it!
[Taro Boba #225]: Okay, I forgive the rain at the sports meet, I'm satisfied
[Taro Boba #83]: We don't even need to push them together, the main characters are producing endless content themselves. Shipping this CP, I have no regrets in this life
[Taro Boba #452]: We don't lack sugar, we're just sugar transporters!
[Taro Boba #85]: I'll out myself, I'm Chi Qing, I'm directly calling you sister-in-law!
Staring at #85's message, Su Lian pressed his brow. Surely he didn't know half the people in this group? This was too much.
But Chi Qing would be a good person to ask. He switched back to his main account and sent a private message to Chi Qing, getting straight to the point:
[SU]: Do you know if there's anything your brother wants?
[PikaChing]: It's a miracle!! A living Su Lian brother!!! Are you buying a birthday gift?
[SU]: Yes, do you have any suggestions?
[PikaChing]: He really likes playing music, he can play drums, guitar, and piano. How about drumsticks?
Su Lian laughed at the reply. This wasn't much different from giving practice exam books.
He replied with a smile: Okay, I got it. Get some rest soon.
Chi Qing was truly a bundle of youthful energy, her words brimming with enthusiasm: Okay okay okay, good night Su Lian brother!
Su Lian put down his phone and fell into deep thought. If he were to buy a good quality drum set, it would probably be very expensive.
During the National Day make-up classes, Chi Wang had transferred quite a bit of money, most of which went to Su Huasheng, with only a small portion kept for emergencies.
If he needed to earn money, it seemed he would have to sell more study materials. Beyond Third High School, he'd need to sell to other schools to save up enough money in a short time.
Thinking of this, Su Lian, for the first time, didn't go to bed early. He got up, turned on a small light, and began to compile all the key and difficult points from first to third year of high school.
Gu Anjiu was just about to climb into bed, blearily squinting his eyes: "Dad, why are you working so hard? Didn't we just finish exams not long ago?"
This guy had recently become addicted to calling him dad, and Su Lian couldn't be bothered to argue: "I love studying."
Gu Anjiu clicked his tongue and complained, "Come on, give the second-place student a chance to catch up, will you? This is really too much."
"Just go to sleep," Su Lian dimmed the desk lamp and continued to organize practice problems.
Two weeks passed quickly, and Su Lian barely managed to save enough money to buy the drum set he had his eye on. With blue drum edges and a light gold trim, along with drumsticks engraved with a name, it looked cool and stylish.
He thought Chi Wang would probably like this gift.
The birthday happened to fall on a Saturday. Su Lian changed into a clean white shirt and took the bus to the address sent in the group chat.
Upon arrival, looking around at the surroundings, he realized it was an authentic Sichuan restaurant on a boat by the river.
Su Lian entered the private room according to the number given. Inside, people were already seated in a circle. Seeing several familiar faces, Su Lian asked, "Just you guys?"
Chi Wang was standing on the balcony, enjoying the breeze. Hearing the voice, he turned his head, "Teacher Su is here. It's just us, I only invited the closest friends."
Su Lian slightly raised his eyes to look at him. Though it was his usual attire, a black shirt, he felt something was a bit different.
Upon closer inspection, he noticed a very thin dark tie fastened at the collar, securing the usually open neckline to the very top button, neatly covering his moving Adam's apple. His hair was slightly combed up, revealing his handsome eyebrows and eyes. With a faint smile, he looked exceedingly handsome.
The suddenly mature outfit made him look much more formal, leaving Su Lian feeling a bit dazed.
After a while, he came back to his senses and sat down, saying, "Dressed quite formally, I thought you'd make it especially flashy."
"It's not like it's my 80th birthday, why be so flashy?" Chi Wang walked over with his hands in his pockets, sitting down next to him, catching sight of the paper bag in his hand.
Following his gaze, Su Lian raised his hand to give it to him: "Happy birthday."
Gu Anjiu stretched his neck, curiously asking, "What gift is it? I want to see too."
"Quick, quick, take it out and let's see," Song Jiaci also followed eagerly, his little face flushed red with excitement.
Amidst everyone's anticipation, Chi Wang slowly pulled out the contents: "Five Years of College Entrance Exams, Three Years of Simulations," "Complete Textbook Interpretation," "Golden Test Papers," "Must-Do Questions," heavy as hell, a thick stack.
Chi Wang: "..."
It was truly a surprise, truly unexpected, truly caught off guard.
After all, it was a gift from someone else, not wanting to dampen the mood, he could only lightly cough and put the books back in the bag: "You really did give this. I'll work hard on these practice questions, please rest assured."
Seeing this pile of study materials, Gu Anjiu laughed so hard he couldn't straighten up, giving a shaky thumbs up: "I bow to no one but my bro Lian, truly badass!"
"Don't let Teacher Su down, study hard, aim for Tsinghua or Peking University," Lin Yan said, holding back his laughter and patting his shoulder.
Song Jiaci looked at them eagerly: "Th-these are all good materials. If you don't want them, I'll take them."
Su Lian wore a mischievous smile: "I didn't give you these questions for you to pass on to others. I hope you'll study hard and finish them soon."
Putting the bag aside, Chi Wang licked his lower lip and said with a suppressed laugh: "Alright, got it."
"There's one more gift, you can pick it up when you have time," Su Lian stuffed a voucher into his hand, his palm slightly sweaty.
Chi Wang was stunned for a moment, looking down at the black letters on it. It was for a brand of drum set he was very familiar with, not cheap at all.
He paused for a moment, choosing his words carefully: "You don't need to give me such an expensive thing, the practice books are good enough."
Su Lian looked up, his tone carrying a hint of seriousness: "You said before, birthdays only come once a year, of course we should treat them seriously."
Rarely seeing him speak so earnestly, thinking of how he had casually given him just a lighter last time, Chi Wang said remorsefully: "For your next birthday, I'll definitely help you celebrate properly."
"Mm, so do you like it?" Su Lian was a bit nervous. Previously, he had always given Chi Wang practical gifts like ties or wallets. This was the first time he bought something so unconventional, and he felt quite anxious about it.
Chi Wang stared at him, his eyes full of tenderness: "I like it, I like it very much. I'll perform for you next time."
"Oh my, you two are suddenly so polite today, I'm getting goosebumps," Gu Anjiu walked around, bending down to look at the voucher, shouting excitedly, "I've lost, I've lost, all your gifts have lost. What concert tickets? Look at this."
"I admit defeat," Lin Yan, who had just given out two tickets, raised both hands in surrender.
Chi Wang raised the corners of his mouth, carefully folding the voucher and putting it in his pocket.
The waiter beside them started serving dishes, and everyone chatted about the recent school gossip, seemingly no different from being in the cafeteria.
But Su Lian felt relaxed. There were no strangers, and he didn't have to pretend to be overly friendly. It was very comfortable.
Seeing that he had barely touched his food, Chi Wang said in a low voice: "Why aren't you eating? Don't you like the dishes we ordered?"
As he spoke, he picked up a small portion of each dish with his chopsticks and put them in Su Lian's bowl, pushing it back in front of him.
"I like it, it's delicious," Su Lian smiled lightly, looking at the view outside the private room, "The view here is really nice, you can even see the river."
"Right? I chose it on purpose. We can go see the night view of Fog City later," Chi Wang had already planned out tonight's arrangements, first dinner, then step by step.
Halfway through the meal, a crowd of waiters pushed in a cake, singing the birthday song and dancing, making everyone's scalp tingle with embarrassment.
The whole ritual was incredibly awkward, with staff even trying to force Chi Wang to stand up and spin around, his posture stiff and quite funny.
Su Lian frowned, looking at the person with rigid movements: "Did you arrange this too?"
Forced to go along with it, Chi Wang was also quite bewildered: "This really wasn't me, probably something the restaurant offers."
Seeing the usually intimidating school bully now being forced to dance, turning left and right, everyone at the table couldn't stop laughing.
Chi Wang endured the most difficult two minutes of his life listening to the awkward singing, and when it finally ended, he turned and took the cake, placing it on the table: "Thank you, this is truly the most unforgettable birthday of my life. You can go out first, we'll call if we need anything."
The staff smiled and said: "You're welcome. If you like, we can dance again."
Chi Wang waved his hand, quickly refusing: "No need, no need, once is dazzling enough."
Gu Anjiu put away his phone, saying mischievously: "I recorded it. When you turn 80, I'll show it to you."
"Get lost, you must have one for your birthday too," Chi Wang pointed his finger at each of the four, gritting his teeth, "None of you are getting out of it."
Su Lian took half a step back, criticizing: "Well, I'm not dancing. It's too silly."
Chi Wang laughed and said: "You've danced those stupid between-class exercises, what's there to fear about this dance?"
"Since it's your birthday, I won't argue with you," Su Lian put the candles on the cake, saying softly, "Hurry up and make a wish."
The main lights in the private room were turned off, plunging everything into darkness, leaving only the flickering candlelight dancing on the young faces. Chi Wang stood in front of the extravagant three-tiered cake, hands clasped tightly, eyes closed, looking very sincere.
Su Lian looked at his profile, eyelashes slightly lowered, wondering what kind of wish he would make.
Probably something related to making big money again.
Or perhaps, about today's confession?
It was already past nine o'clock, and Su Lian didn't know what Chi Wang was really thinking, dragging them here to eat and drink until now.
What if the person he was waiting for had gone to sleep? Su Lian sighed slightly, not knowing why he was worrying about such trivial matters.
Chi Wang closed his eyes, wishing in his heart: I hope I can be with Su Lian, even if not now, being able to win him over would be enough.
After silently making his wish, he slightly lowered his eyes and reverently blew out the candles.
"Come on, let's toast to our Brother Wang, another year older, but also another step closer to the company going public," Gu Anjiu, true to his role as the mood-setter, opened with a grand statement.
Several hands clinked glasses together, making a crisp sound. Lin Yan chimed in: "May Brother Wang's wealth continue to grow, may he be rolling in money."
Song Jiaci stuttered: "Wish Brother Wang p-passes all his exams, and improves every day."
Lin Yan laughed: "Little scholar, your wish is quite practical."
When it came to Su Lian's turn, he was at a loss for words: "Well then, may your wishes come true."
At that moment, back then in that small internet cafe, Chi Wang had swayed the lighter's flame and said the same thing, wishing for his dreams to come true.
What they didn't know was that in their wishes, they had long ago included each other.
After eating cake, laughing and joking, when they were full of food and drink, Chi Wang suggested taking a walk by the river.
Already deep into November's late autumn, the wind by the river was quite strong, blowing the young men's shirts into billows.
The five of them stood in a line along the bridge, gazing at the flickering river scenery in the distance, suddenly feeling infinitely sentimental.
Gu Anjiu bent over, struggling to lean on the railing, and suddenly shouted "Ah!" towards the river surface. A second later, an echo came from the distance.
Chi Wang laughed and said: "Are you sick? Aren't you afraid of scaring people?"
"There are tourists all around here. Let them experience the enthusiasm of Fog City's people. I must say, letting it out feels pretty good." Gu Anjiu nudged him with his arm, "Hey, why don't we each shout out what we want to do when we grow up?"
Teenage boys can be more childish than one might imagine. Su Lian had never done anything so pointless before. He stood to the side, his expression somewhat reluctant.
Gu Anjiu set an example first. He cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted towards the opposite bank of the river: "My dream is to become a kindergarten teacher! But my grades are too poor, I don't know if they'll accept me! Please, please accept me!"
Su Lian was curious and asked Chi Wang in a low voice, "Why does he want to do that?"
"It's not obvious, but he really likes kids. He says children are the purest. He's always smiling and easy to approach, isn't he?" Chi Wang leaned slightly on the railing and said sincerely, "If possible, he'd probably make a great teacher."
Thinking of how warm-hearted Gu Anjiu usually was, getting along with everyone, Su Lian nodded slightly, accepting this huge contrast a second later.
Song Jiaci's face turned red as he bent slightly and used all his strength to shout: "I-I want to get into Peking University Medical School! To cure my st-stutter!"
"You definitely will." Lin Yan ruffled his hair and raised his voice, "I want to form a band! But Wang doesn't share that goal, so I hope I can meet like-minded bandmates in the future!"
Infected by this reckless mood, Chi Wang unconsciously raised his voice too, turning to face the river: "Everyone knows my goal, I'm working towards going public."
Indeed, never-changing.
Hearing everyone's wishes, Su Lian felt like he had gotten a little closer to this group.
Long ago, except for Song Jiaci, these boys appeared to outsiders as a group of unruly and ignorant youths who didn't like attending classes, had poor grades, and seemed to have no redeeming qualities.
But in fact, each of them harbored their own dream in their heart. Perhaps small, perhaps exaggerated, but that didn't matter.
It might seem ridiculous to others, but young people have the most right to be arrogant. They always feel that the future is infinitely brilliant, and anything is possible.
At this moment, Su Lian was very grateful to have met such a diverse group of people in this second chance at youth. They added a colorful stroke to his originally gray life.
His once stagnant life seemed to be slowly reviving, becoming vibrant again.
"It's your turn, Teacher Su." Chi Wang turned his head to look at Su Lian. Under the light, that usually cold face was surrounded by a soft glow.
He paused, remembering what he had said deliriously during his fever, and drawled, "I know, a cool surgeon."
Su Lian shook his head and shouted towards the twinkling lights on the opposite bank of the river: "I want to be the best internal medicine doctor."
There were still passersby around, but the usually quiet young man's face turned red as he raised his voice, shouting his heartfelt wish towards the distance.
When Chi Wang had fallen ill before, he had felt helpless looking at the medical records, cursing himself countless times for choosing the wrong direction, only able to wait dry-eyed for an inevitable end.
Time travel itself was a miracle. Since he could start over, this time when choosing his career path, Su Lian wanted to give up the surgery he had studied for several years.
Just to give Chi Wang one more possibility to survive.
"Great, everyone has spoken. Our wishes will definitely come true!" Gu Anjiu's face was flushed with excitement, his eyes bright as he looked into the distance.
"Th-they will," Song Jiaci nodded seriously. "Ri-riding on the luck of Wang's birthday, all our wi-wishes will come true."
The river wind tousled their hair. Su Lian turned around, leaning his back against the railing, staring at the light rail above.
The people beside him were still chattering, and tourists were taking photos with their phones. Chi Wang slowly moved closer, following his gaze: "This place seems to be famous. Many people come here every day."
"I know, it's popular online." A few years later, it would become even more popular, becoming Fog City's most iconic check-in spot.
Su Lian looked up slightly. The night was deep, and the last light rail of the day roared past, speeding through the mottled buildings and disappearing from view.
Only two empty tracks remained, looking incredibly lonely in the deep night, like time that could never return.
This night had been full of emotional ups and downs. Su Lian inexplicably thought of a song lyric: Every moment of loving you is like a speeding subway passing by.
The twenty-something Chi Wang had disappeared with the train of time. There might be another train after this one leaves, but once a person is gone, they never come back.
That once unforgettable love had become like a non-stop train, like wind that couldn't be grasped.
And what about him and the current Chi Wang? He didn't know. There was no answer.
Su Lian pursed his lips, his arm slowly falling along the railing. Staring at the vanished light rail, he felt lost: "It seems like everything is like the last train, impossible to catch."
It was an inexplicable sigh, but Chi Wang seemed to understand half of it.
Su Lian felt his right hand being grasped in a warm palm.
Chi Wang held on tightly, his voice soft and slow, mixed with the rushing wind: "Su Lian, I've caught you."