Chi Wang's feelings for you are a foolish fantasy.
When Chi Wang said these words, he placed himself in a very humble position, yet boldly and directly expressed his affection.
Without considering the consequences or expecting a response, he simply and sincerely revealed his inner feelings.
This time, Su Lian heard it loud and clear. The gift Chi Wang wanted most was himself. To pretend not to understand now would truly be foolish.
But the sudden confession was unexpected, leaving him flustered and unsure how to respond.
He quickly closed his eyes for a moment, then slowly opened them, his voice hoarse: "Chi Wang, I..."
His words trailed off abruptly.
The affection of teenagers is truly moving. A few words can set each other's hearts racing. At this moment, it gave him a heart-fluttering feeling he had never experienced before.
Su Lian noticed his heart beating rapidly and irregularly, getting faster and faster, almost about to blurt out an irrational answer.
He had thought that after experiencing two major traumas, he had lost the ability to feel emotions. But now it seemed that without realizing it, some small detail had touched him, silently stirring his heart.
However, he found that he wasn't as brave as Chi Wang, who could say what he wanted to say and do what he wanted to do.
For the first time, Su Lian felt like a coward. Faced with such a passionate and honest confession, he was now at a loss for words.
He couldn't even utter a complete sentence.
Chi Wang gently squeezed the back of his neck, pleading softly, "Su Lian, can you give me an answer? I like you. I want to be your boyfriend."
Su Lian didn't speak, just lowered his head slightly, rubbing very gently against the black shirt's shoulder, his eyes suddenly misting over.
If they really got back together, what if Chi Wang couldn't make it past twenty-five again this time?
Not knowing where the problem really lay, before finding the true root cause, he felt unable to bear the pain of losing a lover again.
That feeling was like walking through hell, being tempered by fire, submerged in seawater, leaving a person tortured until only an empty shell remained.
Just imagining that possibility made his rapidly beating heart start to ache, as if all his internal organs were being torn apart.
Seeing that Su Lian remained silent, Chi Wang slowly loosened his arms, pulling back slightly, lowering his eyes to look at him intently.
His expression was still the same as usual, cool and calm, but the corners of his beautiful eyes were tinged with red, misty, looking as if tears were about to fall.
He had never seen Su Lian show such a vulnerable side before. This person was always cold-faced, expressionless, seeming uninterested in anything, unmoved by any emotion. He never showed happiness, nor revealed sadness.
Why was he crying? Chi Wang suddenly felt panicked.
He carefully raised his hand, gently wiping the corner of Su Lian's eye, asking softly, "What's wrong? I didn't mean to pressure you. If I made you feel uncomfortable, it's my fault."
Chi Wang, who had dressed up carefully for tonight, gradually revealed a demeanor between that of a boy and a man, his tone very gentle, his movements tender.
Su Lian thought that the way he was patiently treating him at this moment was not much different from that former lover in some ways.
It seemed that at some unknown point, he had already gradually and slowly merged the young Chi Wang with the future Chi Wang into one person in his mind.
But until now, he only wished for him to be healthy, to be safe, to be able to live a long life freely and unrestrained like he was now.
However, he couldn't explain these things to Chi Wang. Even if he did, Chi Wang wouldn't believe him.
"It's not because of you, it's my own problem," Su Lian's mind was in chaos, hesitating as he chose his words carefully. "I'm not as brave as you. I just feel that no love can last forever. Since we might end up separating anyway, wouldn't it be better not to start at all?"
As feelings grow stronger, he would probably find it harder and harder to let go. If that day really came, how could he say goodbye gracefully?
Chi Wang had imagined countless reactions from Su Lian in his mind, but never expected such a pessimistic thought. It sounded particularly depressing, as if he had no hope for the future at all.
He thought that Su Lian must have been thoroughly hurt by his last relationship and hadn't been able to move on yet.
But not refusing might be the best answer for now.
Chi Wang raised his hand to smooth Su Lian's wind-tousled hair: "So, you actually like me a little too, right? It's okay, you don't have to give me an answer now. I'll give you time. When you're ready, we can start."
Su Lian raised his slightly sore eyes and shook his head: "Chi Wang, this isn't fair to you."
Chi Wang insisted: "I think it's very fair, and I won't feel wronged. Don't overthink it."
In fact, Su Lian didn't even know if he could ever be ready. But no matter what the final answer would be, he couldn't bear to make Chi Wang wait too long.
He didn't deny his own feelings, but just lowered his eyes dejectedly and muttered: "Not refusing, not accepting, this makes me sound like a tease."
"How can you say that about yourself?" Chi Wang was amused, slightly raising his chin. "I believe that with a handsome and considerate man like me pursuing you, you definitely won't be able to resist. I'm very confident."
As he said this, he seemed to turn back into that incredibly arrogant and invincible boy, forever confident, forever fearless.
Su Lian let out a small sigh and said sincerely: "Falling for someone like me, you're just unlucky. Why don't you stop liking me while you still can?"
"It's not unlucky, I'm very fortunate that the person I like is you." Chi Wang pursed his lips, staring at Su Lian's still slightly red eyes. "I didn't expect our little Teacher Su to be such a crybaby. Shouldn't I be the one crying for not getting the response I wanted?"
"I didn't cry." Su Lian blinked, forcibly pushing back that layer of mist, his pupils gradually becoming clear again, as if the surge of emotion just now had been merely an illusion.
Chi Wang smiled, giving him face by not pointing it out further: "Alright, I must have seen wrong. So, Su Lian, from today on, I'm going to start openly pursuing you, okay?"
"What are you planning to do?" Su Lian backed away slightly, unnerved by that direct gaze. "Don't do anything rash."
Chi Wang leaned in, placing his hands on either side of Su Lian, saying suggestively: "What am I planning? What kind of rash things are you imagining, Teacher Su? Your thoughts are not pure."
They were very close now, their breaths intertwining again, the atmosphere suddenly becoming intimate once more.
"Chi Wang." Su Lian pushed him away irritably, saying exasperatedly, "Can you be serious?"
"Don't look so gloomy, I'm just joking with you to lighten the mood." Chi Wang lazily stood up, picking up the jacket that had fallen to the ground, bending down to help Su Lian put it on, pulling him up by the wrist.
"Aren't you cold? Do you want the jacket?"
"I told you, my body is strong. You wear it yourself."
Su Lian zipped up the jacket, which hung a bit loose on him being one size too big. He hunched his neck against the cold wind blowing from outside: "We've finished watching the shooting stars, let's go home now."
Looking at the gradually darkening sky, Chi Wang made a sound of agreement: "Let's go down the mountain."
It was the same winding path they had come up, with no end in sight. The two walked side by side slowly, but their state of mind was completely different from when they had come.
Chi Wang's arm swung back and forth in the air, feeling like something was missing. His fingertips suddenly hooked onto the slightly cold hand beside him.
"Give me your hand, let's hold hands."
"I haven't agreed to be with you, I won't hold hands." Su Lian stubbornly clenched his fist, blocking the hand that was trying to entwine with his, feeling a bit embarrassed.
Chi Wang slowly pried open his fingers, gently interlacing them with his own, holding tight: "We were able to hold hands by the river earlier, why not now? How come my future boyfriend's treatment is worse than a regular friend's? I feel so pitiful."
Truly shocked by this shameless tactic, Su Lian was at a loss for words: "Who said you're my future boyfriend?"
"Aren't I in the preparation period? Sooner or later, I'll become official." Chi Wang gently swung their hands, walking slowly like a young couple strolling down the street.
At this moment, his mood was incredibly excited, he almost wanted to jump up and down on the spot.
Su Lian didn't directly reject him. Judging by his panicked and flustered appearance just now, he probably had more than just a little bit of feelings for him. Even if there were too many concerns and insecurities, what did it matter? He had plenty of time and could wait patiently.
The small path was empty and deserted. It was already midnight, and not a soul could be seen. Only the sound of wind rustling through the trees could be heard.
After struggling a few times without result, Su Lian simply gave up and allowed himself to be led along. The two young men walked hand in hand, swaying down the path.
Finally reaching the bottom of the mountain, Chi Wang used his free hand to take out his phone and call for a car. However, after waiting for about ten minutes, the request still showed "searching" with no one responding.
"Great, this place is too remote to get a car," Chi Wang squeezed the hand he was holding and looked at the forests covering the mountains. He said helplessly, "Looks like we'll have to spend the night in the wilderness."
Su Lian looked at him blankly. "You didn't think about how to get back when you came here?"
Chi Wang smiled and wiped his face. "When I came, my mind was full of confessing to you. I didn't think that far ahead."
Su Lian pondered for a moment. "...So where do we stay? Should we slowly walk back?"
Given the distance, walking back would probably take until dawn.
Chi Wang looked around and spotted a tourist service center nearby. He pulled Su Lian towards it, suggesting, "Let's go ask if there's anywhere we can stay."
As they got closer, the bright lights from the lobby shone on them. Su Lian suddenly let go of Chi Wang's hand and shoved his own hands into his pockets.
Although the passersby were all strangers, the sight of two young men holding hands was bound to attract attention.
Chi Wang smiled and rubbed his fingertips together before quickly walking to the front desk to inquire, "Excuse me, are there any hotels nearby where we can stay?"
"I'm sorry, sir. Due to tonight's meteor shower and it being the weekend, all the hotels are fully booked with no vacancies," the staff member at the front desk replied with an apologetic smile.
Chi Wang felt a headache coming on. "Or could you help us call a car? It's too late for us to get back now."
The staff member said, "Our shuttle buses run from 6 AM to 10 PM. We're past operating hours now. If you really have nowhere to stay, there's a shop next door that sells tents. Would you like to make do with that for the night and return to the city in the morning?"
Chi Wang turned back and asked, "Shall we sleep in a tent?"
Su Lian nodded. "We don't have any other choice now."
The tents at the scenic area were terribly expensive. The two bought one large enough for two people, along with two sleeping bags, and struggled to carry everything back up to the mountaintop.
The crowd that had been so lively earlier had now quieted down. Darkness enveloped everything, making even their vision blurry.
Su Lian shook out the tent fabric and squatted down on one side, struggling to assemble the poles. However, it was too dark to see clearly, and after a long while of not being able to find the connections, he started to get frustrated.
"Don't move, the light is too dim. Be careful not to cut your hand. I'll do it," Chi Wang took the frame from his hands and, using the moonlight, felt around to fix the poles together.
He quickly secured the ropes to the pegs in the ground, assembled everything, and then threaded it through the tent.
In no time, a small tent was fully set up, standing neatly in the spot where they had watched the meteors earlier.
Watching his skilled movements, Su Lian raised an eyebrow in surprise. "You're quite capable. You even managed this."
"I told you, I can do anything except study," Chi Wang tossed the sleeping bags inside and patted them. "Come on, let's sleep."
Su Lian slowly went over, took off his jacket, arranged his shoes, and crawled into the sleeping bag, all in one smooth motion.
He stared at the blue fabric above and spoke softly, "Honestly, did you enjoy your birthday this year?"
"I enjoyed it. Being able to spend it with you made me very happy," Chi Wang said sincerely, though there was still a hint of regret.
Su Lian made a sound of acknowledgment, paused for a few seconds, then inexplicably said, "I'm sorry."
He did indeed owe Chi Wang an apology for not being able to give an immediate answer, which warranted an apology.
"Don't. You're making it sound like you're rejecting me right away. I won't listen," Chi Wang lay beside him, hands behind his head, and abruptly changed the subject. "We've slept together quite a few times, but this is the first time in the middle of nowhere."
"What are you trying to say?" Su Lian had an ominous feeling and quickly interrupted, "Don't say anything vulgar."
Chi Wang glanced at him with a smile and said seriously, "Teacher Su, you really have an impure mind. I just wanted to express my excitement and thrill at this moment. What did you think I was going to say?"
Su Lian expressionlessly moved his head back. "...Nothing at all."
"Oh, I don't believe you. Something weird definitely flashed through your mind."
"I said it was nothing. Believe it or not."
The two bantered back and forth for a few sentences until someone fell silent, and the atmosphere quieted for a second.
Su Lian sighed and engaged in self-reflection: "Am I a difficult person to please? I don't speak nicely, I'm not considerate or gentle, I'm prickly all over, ready to stab anyone who comes near."
"But you're tough on the outside and soft on the inside, kind-hearted. You don't say much, but you secretly do a lot of things. Teacher Su, honestly, did you fall for me at first sight? Is that why you brought me health supplements the first time you came to school?"
Thinking of the past, Chi Wang's lips curved slightly upward. He felt like he could glimpse some clues from the little details of their history.
Su Lian blushed for a moment and defended himself in a low voice, "How is that possible? Don't flatter yourself."
He pulled the sleeping bag up to his chin and quickly closed his eyes, adopting an aloof attitude of isolation from the world. "I'm going to sleep. Goodnight."
Shy again. The cool guy's skin was indeed thin.
Since realizing his own feelings, Chi Wang hadn't shared a bed with Su Lian. Now, with a completely different mindset, he was wide awake, unable to take his eyes off the other man.
The light in the tent was dim, only allowing him to see a very blurry outline. His fingertips very lightly traced Su Lian's cheek, careful not to disturb him, then fell on his soft hair, the fine strands wrapping around his fingertips.
He was quite docile when asleep, motionless, with only the faint sound of steady breathing.
Chi Wang thought to himself, you're quite trusting, believing I'll remain a perfect gentleman and keep my hands to myself.
His gaze fell on those pale lips, which looked thin and soft, probably feeling nice to the touch.
If he were to kiss them...
As soon as this thought arose, his mouth went dry, and a fire quickly ignited in his chest.
He swallowed hard, repeatedly reminding himself to be a decent person.
Shaking the amorous thoughts from his mind, Chi Wang lowered the screen brightness and casually scrolled through his phone while lying on his side. After some consideration, he changed his WeChat name to: Foolish Delusion.
He also shared a late-night love song on his Moments, with the caption: Foolish delusions will eventually come true.
There were quite a few night owls even in the late hours, and this ambiguous status immediately drew attention. Comments poured in:
[Late-night melancholy, something's up?]
[Wang's got a secret crush? Tsk, how rare]
[Did you fall for someone unattainable? Even Wang is writing about such humble feelings]
[Looks like you've been hurt... Don't worry, the next one will be better]
[If it's just a delusion, stop dreaming and go to sleep]
[Belated happy birthday! Which girl is so heartless to stab you on your birthday]
Chi Wang stared at those messy speculations without replying to each one, then exited Moments.
His phone vibrated, and he received a private message from Gu Anjiu: Failed?? There, there, don't cry. This result was inevitable, big bro saw it coming
[Foolish Delusion]: Didn't fail
[Little Clever Jiu]: Holy crap! Lian agreed? You even managed to turn a straight guy? Impressive!
[Foolish Delusion]: He didn't agree either
[Little Clever Jiu]: Can you stop talking like you're squeezing toothpaste? So what's the situation now, are you the backup?
[Foolish Delusion]: ...Couldn't it be that he needs time to consider? Is your brain waterlogged?
[Little Clever Jiu]: Oh, right. After all, suddenly getting confessed to by a guy, I think it's already mild that he didn't punch you
Chi Wang chuckled softly and typed happily: He wouldn't dare to punch me
Clearly disgusted by this statement, Gu Anjiu sent ten vomiting emojis in a row: So after confessing, you just went home?
[Foolish Delusion]: No, we're on the mountain. Bought a tent, we're sleeping together
[Little Clever Jiu]: ...You move that fast?
[Foolish Delusion]: Purely sleeping, thank you very much
[999 Little Clever]: It's a world we straight guys don't understand. So, sleep well, I guess?
Chi Wang was speechless. Just as he was about to retort, the sleeping bag beside him moved slightly.
He turned off his phone screen and looked over, adjusting the sleeping bag that had come loose.
As if sensing the warmth of the palm that touched him, Su Lian turned his head slightly, nuzzling his cheek against it very gently. He pressed against the wrist to find a comfortable position and continued to sleep deeply.
Chi Wang stared at the person sleeping on his arm, thinking to himself that when asleep, he was completely defenseless. Would Su Lian cuddle up to anyone who reached out a hand?
Afraid of waking him, he maintained this awkward position, lying on his side and gazing at Su Lian, lost in thought for several hours.
At some point, drowsiness overtook him, and he slowly closed his eyes and fell asleep.
The sun rises early in the mountains. Su Lian felt a beam of light fall on his eyelids, making him feel a bit dizzy.
He frowned and opened his eyes, only to see someone very close to him, close enough to make out each individual eyelash.
How did they end up sleeping together again? He looked up at the ceiling in confusion, then remembered that because there was no car, they were still stuck at the mountaintop.
His head was resting in Chi Wang's palm, which had been pressed down all night. When he carefully moved away, he saw deep and shallow red marks on it, a mottled pattern.
As Su Lian crawled out of the sleeping bag, he thought to himself, this guy must be an idiot, letting him use his hand as a pillow all night without pulling it away.
After waiting patiently for a while and seeing that Chi Wang still hadn't woken up, Su Lian called out softly, "Chi Wang, wake up, it's time to get up."
"Tired," Chi Wang responded lazily, without opening his eyes. He reached out and pulled Su Lian into his arms, wrapping his limbs around him like a body pillow.
Su Lian: "......"
Is he really asleep or just pretending? I reasonably suspect you're taking advantage of me.
"Get up quickly, you can catch up on sleep when we get home," Su Lian said, his breathing becoming difficult as he strained his neck, struggling to communicate with the drowsy man.
Chi Wang truly hadn't slept well last night, staying in an awkward position until late. Yawning continuously, his consciousness was hazy: "The alarm hasn't gone off yet, not getting up."
Not understanding, Su Lian frowned: "What alarm?"
After several seconds, Chi Wang slowly replied: "Teacher Su's loudspeaker. It's broken, didn't go off today."
"We're in the middle of nowhere, where am I supposed to find you a loudspeaker?" Su Lian was almost at his wit's end, explaining patiently, "We're on a mountain, there's no such thing here."
Chi Wang was being unreasonable, keeping his eyes shut: "Then let's sleep for another half hour. I won't get up until the loudspeaker goes off."
Outside the tent, there were rustling sounds, with shadows occasionally passing by, and the occasional voices of others could be heard. Separated only by a thin layer of fabric, Su Lian felt somewhat guilty being held by Chi Wang.
Yet this person kept his eyes tightly shut, wrapped in the sleeping bag pretending to be dead, not knowing how long he intended to stay in bed.
Su Lian was at a loss. He cleared his throat and, pressing close to Chi Wang's ear, resignedly recalled the wake-up call content.
"I reflect on myself three times a day: Have I studied today? Have I exercised today? Have I gone to bed early and risen early today?"
"Don't be lazy, don't be decadent, don't indulge in pleasure. Get up quickly and go to class."
Unlike the usual cold and mechanical electronic voice, this voice was very soft and gentle, with a barely perceptible breath, like a feather brushing past the ear, making one's whole body tingle.
Chi Wang suddenly opened his eyes, staring in astonishment at the person in his arms, his arm still draped over that slender waist. Their eyes met, and his foggy consciousness instantly cleared a bit.
His gaze fell on Su Lian's fair earlobe, which was slightly flushed. The color spread to his cheeks, as if he was blushing.
Su Lian pushed against his chest, in an awkward position: "You're awake now, let me go."
After several seconds of reaction, Chi Wang finally realized what Su Lian had just done, and the amusement in his eyes grew stronger.
Damn, a human wake-up call service, how can it be so cute? It's really killing me.
He tilted his head slightly, closing his eyes again, and pressed Su Lian's head close to his ear. Something quickly brushed against his neck, and he felt a warmth.
"I'm so tired, I need Teacher Su to do it one more time before I can get up."